semalam gila best.
aku dapat bilik baru.
baru dapat berita registratation aku akan berjalan lancar.
setelah dekat sebulan.
banyak ngomel lak.
ape mende susah sangat nak nk register.
lepas satu satu.
nak sah la.
nk fotosotat itu ini la.
nak kena jumpa orang ni la.
walhal 6 bulan lepas aku tanya wat bodo je.
sekaran gsapa yang bodo.
ada profesership tapi akai tak kat pala lutut.
iso 9000 my foot.
sekarang aku leh belajar mekanik kuantum dengan senang hati.....
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Sunday, August 1, 2010
terbaek dari ladang bagaimana mula bual bicara......
1. Listen more than you talk.
2. If you notice yourself getting bored with what you're saying, stop talking. Acknowledge the situation. Smile. Move on.
3. Know a few historical anecdotes. Like this one: To enhance creativity, surrealist painter Salvador Dalí recommended afternoon naps lasting less than a second. He would lie in his chair, arms outstretched, holding a metal key in his left hand. As he drifted off to sleep, his grip would relax and the key would fall, clanging onto a plate he'd set beneath it and waking him up.
4. But realize that no one likes the guy who knows something about everything.
5. Let people talk over you. Don't think of it as being rude; think of it as an assist.
6. If someone does interrupt you, wait to be prompted before continuing your story. It's a good sign that someone cared in the first place.
7. Drawn-out pauses are the best time for personal non sequiturs. People would rather listen to you talk about yourself than nothing.
8. With people you don't know, limit stories to the last five minutes of your life — the turnout, the Scotch selection, the homeless man you mistakenly took for a valet.
9. Never mention your blog.
2. If you notice yourself getting bored with what you're saying, stop talking. Acknowledge the situation. Smile. Move on.
3. Know a few historical anecdotes. Like this one: To enhance creativity, surrealist painter Salvador Dalí recommended afternoon naps lasting less than a second. He would lie in his chair, arms outstretched, holding a metal key in his left hand. As he drifted off to sleep, his grip would relax and the key would fall, clanging onto a plate he'd set beneath it and waking him up.
4. But realize that no one likes the guy who knows something about everything.
5. Let people talk over you. Don't think of it as being rude; think of it as an assist.
6. If someone does interrupt you, wait to be prompted before continuing your story. It's a good sign that someone cared in the first place.
7. Drawn-out pauses are the best time for personal non sequiturs. People would rather listen to you talk about yourself than nothing.
8. With people you don't know, limit stories to the last five minutes of your life — the turnout, the Scotch selection, the homeless man you mistakenly took for a valet.
9. Never mention your blog.
Saturday, July 31, 2010
11 perkara hangpa suma mungkin tatau pasai pinball
1. Pinball Was Illegal
Pinball was banned from the early 1940s to the mid-1970s in most of America's big cities, including New York, Los Angeles and Chicago, where the game was born and where virtually all of its manufacturers have historically been located. The stated reason for the bans: Pinball was a game of chance, not skill, and so it was a form of gambling. To be fair, pinball really did involve a lot less skill in the early years of the game, largely because the flipper wasn't invented until 1947, five years after most of the bans were implemented. Up until then, players would bump and tilt the machines in order to sway the ball's gravity. Many lawmakers also believed pinball to be a mafia-run racket and a time- and dime-waster for impressionable youth. (The machines robbed the "pockets of schoolchildren in the form of nickels and dimes given them as lunch money," New York Mayor Fiorello La Guardia wrote in a Supreme Court affidavit.)
2. NYPD Held Prohibition-Style Raids on Pinball
In New York, the pinball ban was executed in a particularly dramatic fashion. Just weeks after Pearl Harbor was attacked, Mayor Fiorello La Guardia issued an ultimatum to the city's police force stating that their top priority would be to round up pinball machines and arrest their owners. La Guardia proceeded to spearhead massive Prohibition-style raids in which thousands of machines were rounded up in a matter of days, before being dramatically smashed with sledgehammers by the mayor and police commissioner. The machines were then dumped into the city's rivers.
3. Pinball Went Into Hiding
Although pinball was illegal in New York, it did not disappear entirely — it just moved behind curtains to seedy pornography shops, in places like Harlem and Greenwich Village. And the police were still raiding illegal pinball operators through the 1970s.
4. Pinball Production Changed During the War
During World War II, much of America's manufacturing infrastructure switched over to the war effort. The pinball industry, which was a major user of copper wiring, was no exception. During the war, few new games were made. Instead, pinball suppliers began selling so-called conversion kits, which would allow pinball operators to transform a machine's artwork to a fresh theme. These conversion themes often took the form of wartime motifs, such as the patriotic "Victory in the Pacific."
5. Pinball Is a Symbol of Rebellion in Hollywood
Because pinball was illegal for so long, it became a symbol of youth and rebellion. If you watch a movie or TV show that was either produced or takes place during this period, virtually any time pinball makes an appearance, it is for the purpose of portraying to the audience that a particular character is a rebel. For example, the Fonz is regularly seen playing pinball in "Happy Days" episodes. And when "Tommy," The Who's pinball-wizard-themed rock opera album came out in 1972, pinball was still banned in much of the country. The album's use of pinball is largely misunderstood by today's audiences, who may view the deaf, dumb and blind pinball wizard as quirky. In all likelihood, The Who was using the game to portray the titular character as anti-authoritarian. Filmmaker Richard Linklater makes use of this symbol in a significant number of his movies, with rebellious or outcast characters seen playing or talking about pinball in virtually every one. And in "The Simpsons," Sideshow Bob once proclaimed, "
6. It Took a Babe Ruth-Like Move to Legalize Pinball in NYC
In 1976, the New York City pinball ban was overturned. The coin-operated amusement lobby (which represented the pinball industry) eventually succeeded in earning a City Council hearing to re-examine the long-standing ban. Their strategy: prove that pinball was a game of skill, not chance, and thus should be legal. To do this, they decided to call in the best player they could find in order to demonstrate his pinball wizardry — a 26-year-old magazine editor named Roger Sharpe. Fearful that this hearing might be their only shot at overturning the ban, the industry brought in two machines, one to serve as a backup in case any problems arose with the primary machine. Suspicious that the pinballers had rigged the primary machine, one particularly antagonistic councilman told them that he wanted them to use the backup. This presented a problem: While Sharpe was intimately familiar with the first-choice game, he had never played the backup. As he played the game, surrounded by a huddle of journalists,
I recently asked Sharpe what he thought would have happened if he had missed the shot. After thinking about it for a few hours, he got back to me: "I'm not sure pinball would be legal today."
7. Pinball Has a Surprise Best-Seller
The best-selling pinball machine of all time is still "The Addams Family," which came out in 1991.
8. Pinball Is Still Illegal in Some Places
Just a few years ago, Nashville, Tenn. overturned its ban on children under 18 playing, or even standing within 10 feet of, a pinball machine. And, to this day, it is illegal to play pinball on Sundays in Ocean City, N.J.
9. Hugh Hefner Is a Huge Pinball Fanatic
He collects pinball machines and has cooperated with pinball companies for at least three Playboy-themed pinball machines over the years. A former editor at Playboy told me that the magazine's editorial offices had a Fireball pinball machine in the '70s.
10. There Was a Pinball-Video Game Hybrid
In 1999, Williams Pinball was the largest pinball company in the world. But it was also part of a larger, publicly traded company that demanded higher profits than the games were producing. And so the bosses gave the pinball division one last chance to save the company — and its jobs. It was to create a new game that would bridge the gap between pinball and video
11. Just One Company Still Makes Pinball Machines
And it does it in the U.S. Every new pinball machine comes from a single Stern Pinball factory in the Chicago suburbs, where factory workers assemble several thousand parts, largely by hand.
Monday, July 26, 2010
ada apa dengan sabun
dulu ku ta penah pikir
sabun apa nak pakai
tiada kaitan
tiada perlu
proses membeli sabun seingat aku
bermula ketika aku masuk matrik
dulu kat umah pki saja apa yg ada
ada sekali aku guna sabun buku ketul hijau FAB yg wat basuh pinggan.
awww....sungguh kasar.
apakah kriteria pemilihan sabun ketika itu?
aku penah pilih DOVE sebab terpengaruh tengok kain leh melayang atas badan mcm zero geseran.
walhal perkara itu mustahil di dunia nyata.
PALMOLIVE(maknanya zaitunpalma)
LUX
dan berbagai lagi jenama yang semua nya terpengaruh kuasa iklan talibesen.
akhirnya aku terpengaruh ngan satu iklan yg paling berkuasa.
dimana buah-buahan kuar dari pili atau hos air.
itulah FRUITALE.
dengan rm1.90 tiga ketoi menjadikan ia termurah dipasaran.
la ni dh ada macam macam bau.
aku suke payapa.
apel ngan anggur pon best.
pernah ku cuba sekali menggigit...ade rase buah tu ke?
ternyata satu percubaan yg bodoh....
tapi atas nama sains....
ermmm...mmmmm....nyymmm......pleasing
sabun apa nak pakai
tiada kaitan
tiada perlu
proses membeli sabun seingat aku
bermula ketika aku masuk matrik
dulu kat umah pki saja apa yg ada
ada sekali aku guna sabun buku ketul hijau FAB yg wat basuh pinggan.
awww....sungguh kasar.
apakah kriteria pemilihan sabun ketika itu?
aku penah pilih DOVE sebab terpengaruh tengok kain leh melayang atas badan mcm zero geseran.
walhal perkara itu mustahil di dunia nyata.
PALMOLIVE(maknanya zaitunpalma)
LUX
dan berbagai lagi jenama yang semua nya terpengaruh kuasa iklan talibesen.
akhirnya aku terpengaruh ngan satu iklan yg paling berkuasa.
dimana buah-buahan kuar dari pili atau hos air.
itulah FRUITALE.
dengan rm1.90 tiga ketoi menjadikan ia termurah dipasaran.
la ni dh ada macam macam bau.
aku suke payapa.
apel ngan anggur pon best.
pernah ku cuba sekali menggigit...ade rase buah tu ke?
ternyata satu percubaan yg bodoh....
tapi atas nama sains....
ermmm...mmmmm....nyymmm......pleasing Thursday, July 22, 2010
ada apa dengan GIANT?
tadi aku pi giant pulai
nk beli frankfruter.
tengah ari so org tak ramai.
satu cashier je bukak.
akak ni islam la kot
muslimah
pakai tudung.
dtg satu nyonya tua bwk 6 pack calrsberg.
akak tu ngan selamba dog kira macam biasa.
mungkin dia tak rasa apa-apa
tapi aku lak yang menyirap.
cilaker haram zade.
kan jelas hukumnye
apa saje berkaitan arak haram.
jual angkut iklan minum.
aku tengok dia.
dia tengok aku.
mgkn lam ati akak tu kata dah ni keje aku.
tak keje tak mkn plk.
salah akak tu?
salah giant?
salah wakil rakyat DAP Skudai?
salah mak bapak?
salah guru agama?
salah sultan?
salah kerajaan?
salah OIC?
salah kubur masing-masing?
nak rasa collective punishment?
salah siapa ada student UTM nk jadi militan?
nk beli frankfruter.
tengah ari so org tak ramai.
satu cashier je bukak.
akak ni islam la kot
muslimah
pakai tudung.
dtg satu nyonya tua bwk 6 pack calrsberg.
akak tu ngan selamba dog kira macam biasa.
mungkin dia tak rasa apa-apa
tapi aku lak yang menyirap.
cilaker haram zade.
kan jelas hukumnye
apa saje berkaitan arak haram.
jual angkut iklan minum.
aku tengok dia.
dia tengok aku.
mgkn lam ati akak tu kata dah ni keje aku.
tak keje tak mkn plk.
salah akak tu?
salah giant?
salah wakil rakyat DAP Skudai?
salah mak bapak?
salah guru agama?
salah sultan?
salah kerajaan?
salah OIC?
salah kubur masing-masing?
nak rasa collective punishment?
salah siapa ada student UTM nk jadi militan?
Friday, July 16, 2010
Sunday, July 11, 2010
Friedrich Nietzsche
1. People who have given us their complete confidence believe that they have a right to ours. The inference is false, a gift confers no rights.
2. He that humbleth himself wishes to be exalted.
3. The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently.
4. There are no facts, only interpretations.
5. Morality is but the herd-instinct in the individual.
6. No one talks more passionately about his rights than he who in the depths of his soul doubts whether he has any.
7. Without music, life would be a mistake.
8. Anyone who has declared someone else to be an idiot, a bad apple, is annoyed when it turns out in the end that he isn’t.
9. In large states public education will always be mediocre, for the same reason that in large kitchens the cooking is usually bad.
10. The man of knowledge must be able not only to love his enemies but also to hate his friends.
11. A casual stroll through the lunatic asylum shows that faith does not prove anything.
12. We often refuse to accept an idea merely because the way in which it has been expressed is unsympathetic to us.
13. No victor believes in chance.
14. Convictions are more dangerous foes of truth than lies.
15. Talking much about oneself can also be a means to conceal oneself.
16. It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages.
17. The essence of all beautiful art, all great art, is gratitude.
18. The future influences the present just as much as the past.
19. The most common lie is that which one tells himself; lying to others is relatively an exception.
20. I counsel you, my friends: Distrust all in whom the impulse to punish is powerful.
21. Rejoicing in our joy, not suffering over our suffering, is what makes someone a friend.
22. God is a thought who makes crooked all that is straight.
23. Success has always been a great liar.
24. Nothing on earth consumes a man more quickly than the passion of resentment.
25. What do you regard as most humane? To spare someone shame.
26. Whatever is done for love always occurs beyond good and evil.
27. When a hundred men stand together, each of them loses his mind and gets another one.
28. When one has a great deal to put into it a day has a hundred pockets.
29. Whoever despises himself nonetheless respects himself as one who despises.
30. All things are subject to interpretation. Whichever interpretation prevails at a given time is a function of power and not truth.
31. What is good? All that heightens the feeling of power, the will to power, power itself. What is bad? All that is born of weakness. What is happiness? The feeling that power is growing, that resistance is overcome.
32. Fear is the mother of morality.
33. A politician divides mankind into two classes: tools and enemies.
34. Everyone who has ever built anywhere a new heaven first found the power thereto in his own hell.
35. There is more wisdom in your body than in your deepest philosophy.
36. The mother of excess is not joy but joylessness.
37. The Kingdom of Heaven is a condition of the heart — not something that comes upon the earth or after death.
38. What is the mark of liberation? No longer being ashamed in front of oneself.
39. Glance into the world just as though time were gone: and everything crooked will become straight to you.
40. We should consider every day lost on which we have not danced at least once.
2. He that humbleth himself wishes to be exalted.
3. The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently.
4. There are no facts, only interpretations.
5. Morality is but the herd-instinct in the individual.
6. No one talks more passionately about his rights than he who in the depths of his soul doubts whether he has any.
7. Without music, life would be a mistake.
8. Anyone who has declared someone else to be an idiot, a bad apple, is annoyed when it turns out in the end that he isn’t.
9. In large states public education will always be mediocre, for the same reason that in large kitchens the cooking is usually bad.
10. The man of knowledge must be able not only to love his enemies but also to hate his friends.
11. A casual stroll through the lunatic asylum shows that faith does not prove anything.
12. We often refuse to accept an idea merely because the way in which it has been expressed is unsympathetic to us.
13. No victor believes in chance.
14. Convictions are more dangerous foes of truth than lies.
15. Talking much about oneself can also be a means to conceal oneself.
16. It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages.
17. The essence of all beautiful art, all great art, is gratitude.
18. The future influences the present just as much as the past.
19. The most common lie is that which one tells himself; lying to others is relatively an exception.
20. I counsel you, my friends: Distrust all in whom the impulse to punish is powerful.
21. Rejoicing in our joy, not suffering over our suffering, is what makes someone a friend.
22. God is a thought who makes crooked all that is straight.
23. Success has always been a great liar.
24. Nothing on earth consumes a man more quickly than the passion of resentment.
25. What do you regard as most humane? To spare someone shame.
26. Whatever is done for love always occurs beyond good and evil.
27. When a hundred men stand together, each of them loses his mind and gets another one.
28. When one has a great deal to put into it a day has a hundred pockets.
29. Whoever despises himself nonetheless respects himself as one who despises.
30. All things are subject to interpretation. Whichever interpretation prevails at a given time is a function of power and not truth.
31. What is good? All that heightens the feeling of power, the will to power, power itself. What is bad? All that is born of weakness. What is happiness? The feeling that power is growing, that resistance is overcome.
32. Fear is the mother of morality.
33. A politician divides mankind into two classes: tools and enemies.
34. Everyone who has ever built anywhere a new heaven first found the power thereto in his own hell.
35. There is more wisdom in your body than in your deepest philosophy.
36. The mother of excess is not joy but joylessness.
37. The Kingdom of Heaven is a condition of the heart — not something that comes upon the earth or after death.
38. What is the mark of liberation? No longer being ashamed in front of oneself.
39. Glance into the world just as though time were gone: and everything crooked will become straight to you.
40. We should consider every day lost on which we have not danced at least once.
Monday, June 28, 2010
If Men Could Menstruate
If Men Could Menstruate
by Gloria SteinemLiving in India made me understand that a white minority of the world has spent centuries conning us into thinking a white skin makes people superior, even though the only thing it really does is make them more subject to ultraviolet rays and wrinkles.
Reading Freud made me just as skeptical about penis envy. The power of giving birth makes "womb envy" more logical, and an organ as external and unprotected as the penis makes men very vulnerable indeed.
But listening recently to a woman describe the unexpected arrival of her menstrual period (a red stain had spread on her dress as she argued heatedly on the public stage) still made me cringe with embarrassment. That is, until she explained that, when finally informed in whispers of the obvious event, she said to the all-male audience, "and you should be proud to have a menstruating woman on your stage. It's probably the first real thing that's happened to this group in years."
Laughter. Relief. She had turned a negative into a positive. Somehow her story merged with India and Freud to make me finally understand the power of positive thinking. Whatever a "superior" group has will be used to justify its superiority, and whatever and "inferior" group has will be used to justify its plight. Black me were given poorly paid jobs because they were said to be "stronger" than white men, while all women were relegated to poorly paid jobs because they were said to be "weaker." As the little boy said when asked if he wanted to be a lawyer like his mother, "Oh no, that's women's work." Logic has nothing to do with oppression.
So what would happen if suddenly, magically, men could menstruate and women could not?
Clearly, menstruation would become an enviable, worthy, masculine event:
Men would brag about how long and how much.
Young boys would talk about it as the envied beginning of manhood. Gifts, religious ceremonies, family dinners, and stag parties would mark the day.
To prevent monthly work loss among the powerful, Congress would fund a National Institute of Dysmenorrhea. Doctors would research little about heart attacks, from which men would be hormonally protected, but everything about cramps.
Sanitary supplies would be federally funded and free. Of course, some men would still pay for the prestige of such commercial brands as Paul Newman Tampons, Muhammad Ali's Rope-a-Dope Pads, John Wayne Maxi Pads, and Joe Namath Jock Shields- "For Those Light Bachelor Days."
Statistical surveys would show that men did better in sports and won more Olympic medals during their periods.
Generals, right-wing politicians, and religious fundamentalists would cite menstruation ("men-struation") as proof that only men could serve God and country in combat ("You have to give blood to take blood"), occupy high political office ("Can women be properly fierce without a monthly cycle governed by the planet Mars?"), be priests, ministers, God Himself ("He gave this blood for our sins"), or rabbis ("Without a monthly purge of impurities, women are unclean").
Male liberals and radicals, however, would insist that women are equal, just different; and that any woman could join their ranks if only she were willing to recognize the primacy of menstrual rights ("Everything else is a single issue") or self-inflict a major wound every month ("You must give blood for the revolution").
Street guys would invent slang ("He's a three-pad man") and "give fives" on the corner with some exchenge like, "Man you lookin' good!"
"Yeah, man, I'm on the rag!"
TV shows would treat the subject openly. (Happy Days: Richie and Potsie try to convince Fonzie that he is still "The Fonz," though he has missed two periods in a row. Hill Street Blues: The whole precinct hits the same cycle.) So would newspapers. (Summer Shark Scare Threatens Menstruating Men. Judge Cites Monthlies In Pardoning Rapist.) And so would movies. (Newman and Redford in Blood Brothers!)
Men would convince women that sex was more pleasurable at "that time of the month." Lesbians would be said to fear blood and therefore life itself, though all they needed was a good menstruating man.
Medical schools would limit women's entry ("they might faint at the sight of blood").
Of course, intellectuals would offer the most moral and logical arguements. Without the biological gift for measuring the cycles of the moon and planets, how could a woman master any discipline that demanded a sense of time, space, mathematics-- or the ability to measure anything at all? In philosophy and religion, how could women compensate for being disconnected from the rhythm of the universe? Or for their lack of symbolic death and resurrection every month?
Menopause would be celebrated as a positive event, the symbol that men had accumulated enough years of cyclical wisdom to need no more.
Liberal males in every field would try to be kind. The fact that "these people" have no gift for measuring life, the liberals would explain, should be punishment enough.
And how would women be trained to react? One can imagine right-wing women agreeing to all these arguements with a staunch and smiling masochism. ("The ERA would force housewives to wound themselves every month": Phyllis Schlafly)
In short, we would discover, as we should already, that logic is in the eye of the logician. (For instance, here's an idea for theorists and logicians: if women are supposed to be less rational and more emotional at the beginning of our menstrual cycle when the female hormone is at its lowest level, then why isn't it logical to say that, in those few days, women behave the most like the way men behave all month long? I leave further improvisation up to you.)
The truth is that, if men could menstruate, the power justifications would go on and on.
If we let them.
Sunday, June 27, 2010
Mental Heuristics
If you want something done, do it yourself
Comment: Obviously true, and doing it is usually very good for your self esteem. A surprising amount of work can be done this way, and experts are not always necessary. However, there is a risk of becoming overworked if you try to do everything yourself - we all need other people after all.Never procrastinate anything you can do right now
Comment: Very powerful. There are many things that can be fixed or solved with a minimum of effort, but are often pushed aside as unimportant. Unfortunately they won't go away, and in time the feelings of guilt for not having done them will make you even less likely of fixing the problems.When you have several things you could be doing and don't know which to do: Just do any one of them!
Comments: If you cannot decide between two or more possibilities, then there is a good chance that the differences don't matter. However, most people begin to hesitate in this kind of situation (Fredkin's paradox). If you are conscious of this, you can just choose one choice randomly or according to some standard method.Always assume that you will succeed
Comments: If you don't expect to succeed in an endeavor, then you will not do your best and will not notice possible solutions, while if you feel that you will eventually succeed you will concentrate all your power at the problem. Of course, there is no point in attempting what you cannot do, a certain amount of self-knowledge is always needed.If you can't find a solution, change the rules.
Comment: Remember that there are no no-win scenarios.If you cannot do anything about something, there is no point in worrying about it.
Comment: Worrying is stressful, and in most situations doesn't accomplish anything - it just wastes energy. Instead of worrying about things, either do something about them or find ways around the problem. One useful idea is to write down your worries on slips of paper, and then put them away in a box. Regularly, once a week or so, you open the box and see what you can do about the worries that are still relevant.Do not rely on conscious decisions for speed - Just Do It
Comments: The conscious mind is surprisingly slow, conscious choices and actions are delayed for a significant time (a reflex acts within some tens of milliseconds, an unconscious reaction to external stimuli circa 100 milliseconds and a conscious choice several seconds). The duty of the conscious mind is usually to inhibit rather than start action, and if you become too conscious of what you are doing in a tense situation you will hesitate or slow down. It is a good idea to learn to rely on your non-conscious mind, since our conscious mind is slow and has very low bandwidth while the other systems in our brains have a tremendous capacity and actually do most of the real work anyway.Don't try to explain away your actions for yourself
Comment: While we often do things we do not want to explain our real motivations for before other people (out of fear of embarrassment, anger or loss of image), it is a bad idea to try to convince oneself that the motivation was anything different from what it was. It will only reduce your self-knowledge with deliberate misinformation, and it is often valuable to understand what motivations you have (even if you dislike them or would never admit them in public).Listen to your intuition, but do not believe it unconditionally
Comments: Intuitive or emotional thinking, analogies, "gut feelings" or "flashes of inspiration" can sometimes give fantastic new insights or show problems from a new direction. Unfortunately such thinking isn't always reliable, and quite often completely wrong! Such insights should never be accepted because you admire their beauty or they are intuitive, only because they fit with reality.
Saturday, June 26, 2010
Homer Simpson's Words of Wisdom D'oh!
When will I learn? The answers to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle - they're on TV!
Bingo! I love that game, but I can't remember what to say when you win.
Ah, beer. The cause of and the solution to all of life's problems.
What's the point of going out? We're just going to wind up back here anyway.
Lisa, vampires are make believe, like elves, gremlins, and Eskimos.
Save me, Jeebus!
Facts are meaningless - you could use facts to prove anything that's even remotely true!
I'm not impressed easily. Wow! A blue car!
Well, crying isn't gonna bring him back, unless your tears smell like dog food.
I don't hate your mother, I just won't be sad when she dies.
How is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain - remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive?
Who are you? Why am I here? I want answers now or I want them eventually!
Maybe, just once, someone will call me 'Sir' without adding, 'You/re making a scene'.
I'm a 'Spalding Gray' in a 'Rick Dees' world.
Donuts...is there anything they can't do?
Trying is the first step toward failure.
Because they're stupid, that's why. That's why everybody does everything!
That's it! You people have stood in my way long enough. I'm going to clown college!
You know those balls that they put on car antennas so you can find them in the parking lot? Those should be on every car!
Marge, I'm going to miss you so much. And it's not just the sex! It's also the food preparation.
When I look at the smiles on all the children's faces, I just know they're about to jab me with something.
America's health care system is second only to Japan, Canada, Sweden, Great Britain, well...all of Europe. But you can thank your lucky stars we don't live in Paraguay!
It's like something out of that "twilighty" show about that zone.
Marge, you being a cop makes you the man - which makes me the woman; and I have no interest in that, besides occasionally wearing the underwear, which (as we discussed) is strictly a comfort thing.
Whenever Marge turns on one of her "non-violent" programs, I take a walk. I go to a bar, I pound a few, then I stumble home in the mood for love...
It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to fit in eight hours of TV a day.
English? Who needs that? I'm never going to England!
I like my beer cold, my TV loud, and my homosexuals flaming.
Without our immigrants, who will kick our field goals, or train our white tigers?
Oh no! What have I done? I smashed open my little boy's piggy bank, and for what? A few measly cents, not even enough to buy one beer. Wait a minute, lemme count and make sure...not even close!
Beer - now THERE'S a temporary solution.
How could you? Haven't you learned anything from that guy who gives those sermons at church? Captain What's His Name? We live in a society of laws! Why do you think I took you to all those "Police Academy" movies? For fun? Well, I didn't hear anybody laughing - did you? Except at that guy who made sound effects. Where was I? Oh yeah, stay out of my booze.
Or what? You'll release the dogs? Or the bees? Or the dogs with bees in their mouth and when they bark they shoot bees at you?
You're saying butt-kisser like it's a bad thing!
Well, let's just call them, uh, Mr. X and Mrs. Y. So anyway, Mr. X would say, 'Marge, if this doesn't get your motor running, my name isn't Homer J. Simpson.'
I know what you're saying, Bart. When I was young, I wanted an electric football machine more than anything else in the world, and my parents bought it for me, and it was the happiest day of my life. Well, goodnight!
Apu, you got any Skittle Brau? Never mind, just give me some Duff and a pack of Skittles.
You'll have to speak up, I'm wearing a towel.
Those guys were the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked.
Extended warranty? How can I lose?
Mmmmmm - 52 slices of American cheese.
Hey, I asked for ketchup - I'm eatin' salad here!
When I first heard that Marge was joining the police academy, I thought it would be fun and zany, you know like that movie... "Spaceballs". But instead it was dark and disturbing, like that movie "Police Academy".
I think Mr. Smithers picked me for my motivational skills. Everyone always says they have to work twice as hard when I'm around!
Son, when you participate in sporting events - it's not whether you win or lose, it's how drunk you get.
Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie, and one to listen.
Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand!
I'm trying to fix your mother's camera. Easy, easy - Hmmm. I think I need a bigger drill.
You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try'.
Oh, everything's too damned expensive these days. Like this Bible. It cost 15 bucks! And talk about a preachy book! Everybody's a sinner! Except this guy.
God bless those pagans.
Don't let Krusty's death get you down, boy. People die all the time, just like that. Why, you could wake up dead tomorrow! Well, good night!
If you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now, quiet, they're about to announce the lottery numbers!
You couldn't fool your mother on the foolingest day of your life if you had an electrified fooling machine.
Go ahead and play the blues if it'll make you happy.
I'm a white male, age 18 to 49. Everyone listens to me, no matter how dumb my suggestions are.
With $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like... love!
All right, let's not panic. I'll make the money by selling one of my livers. I can get by with one.
Woo hoo! 350 dollars! Now I can buy 70 transcripts of Nightline!
Oh, people can come up with statistics to prove anything. 14% of people know that.
When I held that gun in my hand, I felt a surge of power - like God must feel when he's holding a gun.
You know boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like women. You just have to read the manual and press the right button.
I hope I didn't brain my damage!
Nuts and gum, together at last!
We'll die together, like a father and son should.
Let us celebrate this agreement with the adding of chocolate to milk.
We're gonna get a new TV. Twenty-one inch screen, realistic flesh tones, and a little cart so we can wheel it into the dining room on holidays!
First you don't want me to get the pony, then you want me to take it back. Make up your mind!
Son, a woman is a lot like a... a refrigerator! They're about six feet tall, 300 pounds. They make ice, and... um... Oh, wait a minute. Actually, a woman is more like a beer.
Now what is a wedding? Well, Webster's dictionary describes a wedding as the process of removing weeds from one's garden.
Now, Marge, don't discourage the boy. Weaseling out of things is what separates us from the animals. Except the weasel.
You can't go wrong with cocktail weenies. They look as good as they taste. And they come in this delicious red sauce. It looks like ketchup, it tastes like ketchup, but brother, it ain't ketchup!
I saw this movie about a bus that had to SPEED around a city, keeping its SPEED over fifty, and if its SPEED dropped, it would explode! I think it was called "The Bus That Couldn't Slow Down."
I don't have to be careful, I've got a gun!
I'm normally not a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me, Superman!
Oh, they have Internet on computers now.
Marge I swear, I never thought that you would find out.
Books are useless: I only ever read one book, "To Kill A Mockingbird" - and it gave me absolutely no insight on how to kill mockingbirds! Sure it taught me not to judge a man by the color of his skin, but what good does THAT do me?
Shut up, brain, or I'll stab you with a Q-Tip!
I am so smart, I am so smart, S M R T, I mean S M A R T.
I'm not gonna lie to you, Marge. See ya soon!
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